


News of the Galaxy

by dettiot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Holonet, dealing with the press in a galaxy far far away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:42:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dettiot/pseuds/dettiot
Summary: How do our favorite characters from the Star Wars Universe handle the holopress? Let's watch what happens . . .
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Kudos: 37





	1. Rotation

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty goofy, I admit. But I thought it would be fun to show the kinds of publicity that might happen in the Star Wars universe. Each of these fics stands alone. Enjoy!

The most popular morning show in the galaxy in the years before the Clone Wars was Rotation, hosted from a Coruscant studio by K’Tee Griff, a wine-drinking red-skinned Twi’lek and HD-KTB, an entertainment droid widely seen as missing a few circuits. 

On one particular morning, the show went even more out of the hyperlane than normal. Enjoy this clip to see what happened … 

K’Tee Griff: [smiles widely yet falsely as the audience applauds] Good morning, good morning! [takes a large swallow from her wine glass and twitches her lekku]

HD-KTB: Was your evening enjoyable?

K’Tee Griff: It was! I went to the Coruscant Symphony–such a good performance, even though Mon Cal music is not to my taste–and you’ll never guess who I ran into!

HD-KTB: That is correct. I will never guess. 

K’Tee Griff: [rolls her eyes] 

Audience: [laughs]

K’Tee Griff: I ran into this morning’s guest!

HD-KTB: You saw Chef Connie? Did she have her recipe for time-saving meals using your slow-cooker unit?

K’Tee Griff: [tops off her glass] No … I saw Duchess Satine Kryze!

Audience: [ooohs and aaahs as a holo-image of a regally-dressed Satine is displayed]

HD-KTB: Satine Kryze of Clan Kryze, Duchess of Mandalore. A pacifist who seeks a new path for Mandalore. Which I do not understand, since changing the orbit of any planet would be very dangerous. 

K’Tee Griff: She is so pretty, isn’t she, everyone? 

Audience: [applauds, with a few hoots of admiration]

HD-KTB: Her face is very symmetrical. Her lips are too thin to make her face be considered beautiful, however.

K’Tee Griff: Well, let me tell you–the young man with the Duchess sure didn’t seem to think her lips were too thin!

Audience: [lets out an oooooooh]

HD-KTB: Does he think they are too thick? That does not seem likely. 

K’Tee Griff: [makes a gesture and the holo-image changes to a candid shot of Satine, dressed in a gown with lilies in her hair, accompanied by a young man with ginger hair and a wiry build] 

HD-KTB: We cannot see the man’s face. We do not know if he likes the Duchess’s face. 

K’Tee Griff: Trust me, our mystery man likes the Duchess. And she likes him. 

HD-KTB: That is good. The Duchess’s duty is to have an heir. 

K’Tee Griff: Now, now, HD, you know times have changed. Women don’t have to have children.

HD-KTB: But … women are programmed to have children. How can a woman thwart her programming like that?

K’Tee Griff: Let’s find out what the Duchess has to say about that! We’ll have our conversation with Satine Kryze right after these messages!

Audience: [applauds as the show returns from its commercial break] 

K’Tee Griff: [puts down her wine glass and licks her lips] Let’s bring out our very special guest: Duchess Satine Kryze! 

Audience: [applauds and cheers as Satine steps out, wearing a deep blue dress and an elaborate headdress] 

Satine: [takes her seat next to K’Tee and HD and waves a little to the crowd] Good morning. Thank you for having me. 

HD-KTB: Welcome to Rotation, Duchess. It must be nice to be away from uncivilized Mandalore. 

Satine: Of course I enjoy visiting Coruscant, but Mandalore is far from uncivilized. 

K’Tee Griff: Oh, never mind HD. Tell us alllllllllll about that young man you were with last night!

Audience: [oooohs]

Satine: [blinks] [eyes flick over towards the side of the studio, where the same wiry, ginger-haired man from the holo-image is standing] Oh, that young man? Just a bodyguard. 

HD-KTB: From how he is watching you, he is guarding your body very well.

K’Tee Griff: [smirks] Very well indeed. 

Satine: While Mandalorians are quite civilized, we are also a passionate people with very strong opinions about our traditions and way of life. Unfortunately, some of my people disagree with my opinions, requiring me to have protection. I’m very fortunate to have such fine protectors. 

HD-KTB: Do you intend to have children with him? It is your duty, to reproduce. And your function. 

Satine: [looks at HD-KTB with a frosty look]

K’Tee Griff: Duchess, can you tell me who you were wearing last night? [waves her arm wildly to get the holo-image from before to come back up] 

Satine: [keeps frowning] A Mandalorian designer, Wren. She’s very talented. 

K’Tee Griff: Sooo talented. Now, what brings you to Coruscant? 

Satine: As you know, the Senate is debating a bill to provide aid to Mandalore, and I’m here on Coruscant to follow the bill’s progress. 

K’Tee Griff: But you’re making time for yourself–that’s so smart. [looks out at the audience] Don’t forget, it’s Self-Care Week here at Rotation!

HD-KTB: Does your bodyguard also provide self-care for you, Duchess?

Camera: [cuts to bodyguard, who is nearly as red as his hair]

Audience: [lets out some whoops]

Satine: [through gritted teeth] Then it wouldn’t be self-care, would it?

K’Tee Griff: Duchess, why don’t you bring your bodyguard out to join us? 

Satine: No, that wouldn’t be appropriate–

K’Tee Griff: Oh, c’mon, Duchess!

Audience: [applauds in encouragement] 

Satine: No! [stands up from her chair and storms off, the camera following her out of the studio, her microphone still active] 

Bodyguard: Satine–

Satine: No, Obi, no! I will not sit there and smile and act like a fool for the sake of viewers of such a superficial, vacuous show!

Bodyguard: Satine, please. 

Camera: [catches how the Duchess goes still, then slowly turns to look at her bodyguard] 

Bodyguard: [voice muffled] You know you can handle those women with one arm tied behind your back.

Satine: Only one’s a woman. And I’m not even sure about the Twi’lek. 

Bodyguard: [lets out a soft laugh]

Camera: [shows a soft smile appear on the Duchess’s face, then she turns and walks back onto the set]

Satine: I apologize. That was very rude of me. It appears I haven’t been taking as much time for self-care as I thought. Please, allow me to share with your audience my advice. 

K’Tee Griff: Thank you, Duchess! [claps over-eagerly] 

HD-KTB: [claps, her hands making a loud metallic noise] I am not a woman!

K’Tee Griff: We’ll have the Duchess’s self-care tips right after this! [chugs her glass of wine]

End.


	2. Face the Galaxy

Announcer: Welcome to Face the Galaxy, the weekly current-affairs show. Today, a very special panel will debate the Military Creation Act. Now here’s your host, B’ob Sch-Ieff-Er. 

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: For nearly two years, the galaxy has been gripped by one question: will the Republic create its own army? With the Separatist Crisis growing increasingly dire, do we finally have to concede that planetary forces and the Jedi are unable to protect us? Now that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has set a vote on the Military Creation Act, soon these questions and more will be answered. But who will speak to the impact upon the Republic’s soul? That’s why we have a very special panel for you tonight. 

Camera: [shows two humans, a Rodian, and an Ithorian sitting in chairs on either side of B’ob Sch-Ieff-Er.]

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: To my left, we have Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan and Senator Onocanda Farr of Rodia, speaking in support of the Military Creation Act. On my right, speaking against the proposed bill, we’re joined by Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo and Senator Tendau Bendon of Ithor. Welcome, Senators. 

ORGANA: Wonderful to be here, B’ob. Thank you for this opportunity. 

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: Right now you face an opportunity unknown in our history. Not in anyone’s living history–not even Master Yoda, the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, I suspect. Senator Organa, could you and Senator Farr tell us why you support the Military Creation Act?

FARR: It’s very simple. I believe that there is no possibility for negotiation, for diplomacy, with the Separatists. Count Dooku and his hordes of droids could crush the galaxy under their boots, and unfortunately, the Senate and the Chancellor keep to the same tactics that have failed before. The Jedi are not enough to beat back the Separatists–it’s time for the Republic to use arms to fight back. 

ORGANA: [eyes Farr, looking a bit disturbed by his militaristic attitude] Although I don’t believe the time for diplomacy is fully past, I do feel that at this point, the only way to bring the Separatists back to the bargaining table is at blaster point. And it’s not fitting for the Jedi alone to fight a war for us. It will take the entire Republic, pulling together, to confront the Separatists. 

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: [tilts his head to one side] Valid points. Senators Bendon and Amidala, your thoughts?

BENDON: I do not agree with my esteemed colleagues that it is time for military action. Up until now, this crisis has been relatively peaceful. But if we vote to create an army, make no mistake–it will plunge the galaxy into warfare. And that is not something to be entered into lightly. 

AMIDALA: [leans forward, her eyes snapping with anger] Violence cannot be met with violence! 

FARR: A naive perspective!

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: Please, Senator Farr, allow Senator Amidala to finish. 

FARR: [swallows and then nods his head] My apologies, Senator Amidala. 

AMIDALA: [takes a deep breath] Thank you, Master Sch-Ieff-Er. Perhaps my perspective is naive, Senator Farr, but I saw what happened when my planet was invaded. I thought that we needed protection, a strong defense against the Trade Federation. Yet we lost a part of ourselves during that conflict. A part that I do not believe we can ever recover. And if the Republic creates its own army, the same will happen to the entire galaxy. 

ORGANA: But we cannot deny that action must be taken against the Separatists. 

AMIDALA: We must protect those who are attacked, of course. But if a planet wishes to join the Confederacy of Independent Systems and follows the procedures in the Galactic Constitution, and the CIS welcomes them peacefully, how can the Republic interfere?

FARR: So you would have planets like Alderaan or Corellia or Naboo secede from the Republic, Senator Amidala? 

AMIDALA: I don’t wish any planet to leave the Republic. But the CIS is offering something that many planets are not receiving from the Republic. We would be better served by investing the money spent on an army into social programs to lift up the planets who are most attracted to the CIS.

FARR: [sounding outraged] Bribery, you mean!

BENDON: I think of it more as promoting equality. Why do we allow the Core Worlds and the Colonies to have such a high standard of living, while on the Outer Rim, lawlessness and violence persist? 

AMIDALA: Exactly. On planets like Tatooine, slavery still exists, despite every law against the practice. Why do we allow it to continue? Either we are all full members of the Republic, or we are not. No in-between. 

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: Bringing this back to the question of the Military Creation Act … 

BENDON: Yes. Another point I would like to make is that any army created will be soldiers only. We will still need generals to lead them. And I do not like the idea of Jedi pressed into service to lead men into battle. It is not meant for them.

ORGANA: Jedi are peacekeepers who carry lightsabers. That is a contradiction, you must agree, Senator Bendon.

BENDON: True, I suppose. Yet their nature is to be sensitive to the Force, to the life force that surrounds them. 

ORGANA: And you believe that exposing them to the death and destruction of war would … ?

BENDON: [looks at Organa] Create Jedi at risk of falling to the Dark Side. 

AMIDALA: [looks very disturbed and worried]

FARR: With all due respect to all of you, I believe you are worrying more about the long-term problems than our current short-term situation. The Separatists are gaining more power every day. Chancellor Palpatine abased himself, pleading with Count Dooku to establish peace talks, for naught. We cannot continue to be the floor mat the Separatists walk all over. 

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: Our time is nearly up. Any last words?

ORGANA: It is unfortunate that we’ve come to this point, yet I don’t see any other options. But I will continue to hope for peace, by any means necessary. 

AMIDALA: [clasps her hands together in her lap] We all want peace. So forming an army to achieve it seems like another contradiction. One we should not accept. 

B’OB SCH-IEFF-ER: Thank you to my guests, Senators Farr, Organa, Amidala and Bendon. Coming up next, our business round-up, highlighting the SoroSuub Corporation. 

End.


	3. The Raché Ré Show

ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the Raché Ré Show! Let’s see who Raché’s special celebrity guest is … 

RÉ: That’s right, everyone, we’ve got a very special guest today! All the way from the front, it’s General Anakin Skywalker!

AUDIENCE: [applauds wildly]

SKYWALKER: [walks out, looking bashful and a bit overwhelmed] 

RÉ: Welcome, General Skywalker! It’s so good to have you here.

SKYWALKER: Thank you, Raché. I’m … surprised to be here. 

RÉ: So are we! 

AUDIENCE: [laughs]

RÉ: It’s not every day we have a general on the show. But it’s our audience who helps us select our celebrity guests, with their nominations. And there were just so many nominations that came in for you!

SKYWALKER: A lot of those came from my men. When they told me what they had done, they said it would be good for morale. And really, I didn’t want to disappoint them.

RÉ: [laughs along with the audience] Well, either way, you’re here now! What are you going to cook for us, General?

SKYWALKER: I thought I would do a bantha stew. This is something I like to cook for my w–for my men after a battle. So–so we start with this cut of bantha. We all know that bantha is pretty tough, so it takes time to make this stew. But you’ll get something really mouth-watering after that time. 

RÉ: Definitely! So you’ve got your bantha. What else? 

SKYWALKER: I like to chop the bantha and then brown it, in some oil. 

RÉ: Good old EVOO! 

SKYWALKER: [smiles at her] Yes. [shows the camera the sizzling meat] Doesn’t that look good already?

AUDIENCE: [claps]

SKYWALKER: So while that’s browning, I want to prepare the other stew ingredients. I chop whatever vegetables I have on hand. Potatoes, charbote roots, celonslay–anything works. 

RÉ: Any kind of root vegetable would work great in this recipe. 

SKYWALKER: Yes, Raché. I put all the vegetables in this pot, where there’s some bantha stock already simmering. And now I add in the chopped bantha cubes. 

RÉ: It already smells amazing. 

SKYWALKER: [gives her a smile] Just wait until we add the herbs. Since I’m not on the front right now, I can use what I like best: rosemary, garlic, onions, and cayenne. 

AUDIENCE: [ooohs in surprise] 

RÉ: Cayenne?!? Wow, this stew’s gonna have a kick!

SKYWALKER: I really like spicy, flavorful food. Also, if I have one tip to share with everyone: whatever amount of garlic a recipe calls for, double it, at least. 

RÉ: You all know how much I love garlic!

AUDIENCE: [laughs and claps]

SKYWALKER: So I put the rosemary sprigs right in, and add the cayenne. You’ll want to chop the onions, and mince the garlic. [demonstrates, neatly chopping and mincing]

RÉ: You could be a professional chef!

SKYWALKER: [blushes] I just–really like to cook for people. 

AUDIENCE: [awwwwws]

RÉ: [smiles] What next?

SKYWALKER: Well, with all the meat, the vegetables, and the herbs, I just let the stew simmer for a few hours at least. I’ll check on the pot, to see if the bantha has become tender, and once it does, it’s time to eat.

RÉ: [brings out another pot] This version has been simmering since this morning, so let’s try it! [ladles out a bowl for herself and for Anakin, then moves the pot so a crew member can start dishing up stew for the audience]

SKYWALKER: [watches Raché try it]

RÉ: Oooh, the cayenne really elevates this! It takes your standard comfort food and makes it into something special. 

SKYWALKER: [smiles widely] 

CAMERA: [shows reaction shots of the audience enjoying the stew]

SKYWALKER: I’m glad you’re all enjoying it!

RÉ: So good. Thank you so much to General Anakin Skywalker and his delicious spicy bantha stew! We’ve got some special messages from our sponsors, so stick around and we’ll be right back!


End file.
